March 7, 2003 - Friday
It has been a strange week for me with the boys and strange in a bad way. My fuse has been short, shorter than usual, and I really don't know why. Harry has really continued to be a fine boy, excepting the inevitable slips, but I have found myself responding those more emotionally than I should. Am I tired? Is Jeremy becoming two and more vocal, he himself of a short fuse lately, and I not overtly recognizing or quantifying the build-up? I've had some work that I've been a little behind on, but not as dramatic an amount as I sometimes do: am I worried and self-focused because of that? In fact, overall work has been a little slow: am I worrying about long-term career prospects? Is the continuing, yet unseasonal snow depressing me with its apparent denial of spring and highly anticipated warmer weather? Am I subconsciously questioning my ability to provide for the family and keep it warm now that the continuing cold weather has finished off our fire wood supply for the year and forced me to dip into the insufficiently seasoned wood for next winter? Is it simply cabin fever with two boys? Is it that I've had no concrete activities planned for these five afternoons with two boys even though the afternoons have passed without seeming long and often, through random events, have moved rather swiftly? Is it that I'm so fed up with this Iraq-war stuff and the fact that our nation's leaders have such a different take on international diplomacy than the rest of the world?
They are all possibilities, I suppose. I've learned that any distraction from a joyful focus on the kids almost inevitably tends to move emotions in the wrong directions, but there's no specific issue that's been overtly on my mind and that is the most frustrating part of the whole week. All I know is that in the evenings this week I've been all too happy to have mommy spend some quality time with her two boys.