December 26, 2000 - Tuesday
Harry was definitely worn out from all the excitement yesterday and that, as is often the case, led to a somewhat poor demeanor. Breakfast wasn't too bad, but he quickly got into his finicky, head turning behavior and refused to eat much. And Harry's fatigue produced a long two and a half hour nap in the afternoon that, while enjoyable for its calm, held potential danger come the evening's bedtime schedule. We, thus, decided to wake him up. Even so, when bedtime came, Harry had energy in reserve and was not ready to fall asleep with the usual bath-snack ritual.

I've thought before about how Harry understands that when I lie down on the bed with him on my chest it's time for him to sleep and tonight seemed proved it. He protested while his mother handed him off, but as soon as she walked out of the room, Harry promptly laid down his head on my chest, apparently ready to sleep. I went through a couple of songs and Harry lay quite still, with hardly a hint of his usual catlike repositioning in search of the perfect spot. Aside from a wiggle of the head or arm, I thought he was asleep. After 10-15 minutes of such calm, I fully anticipated his twitching to begin signaling a solid sleep, ready to be moved into his crib. When there was neither twitching, nor restless movement for those several minutes, I tried to catch a glimpse of his eyes, but Harry's head was facing downward just enough to block my sight. I would have had to move myself and possibly disrupt his journey, so I waited for the twitching. I didn't have to wait very long, however, to find out. Harry did not start twitching and was indeed very much still awake. Yet, he did not move. With his head still on my chest, he said "dad." Just the one syllable and that was it. It was quiet, but deliberate with little hint of fatigue.

There have been moments with Harry like this over the last year that have brought a tear to my eye and this could well have been one of them. It was deliciously personified with the suggestions of admiration, awareness and comfort and could have easily put me over the edge. But, this time it just made my smile. I smiled so much that laughter troubled the early phrases of the song I hastily started. Maybe Harry loved his dad, but I was apparently doing a poor job at putting him to sleep.


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