September 5, 2000 - Tuesday
Harry started full-time daycare today and reports from his provider suggest he did just fine. Unfortunately, things were not as good for his mother and I in terms of our relationship with that provider. Almost from the beginning of Harry's time with her, we, or at least I, have been questioning the interaction we have had, but only due to very minor oddities that were quickly dismissed. With very few concrete annoyances, and no doubts about Harry's care, we started Harry full days, planning to visit him at lunch and to take him to a park or somewhere were we could all eat and his mother could nurse. We had mentioned this desire three months ago and again last week in preparation for today.

There are certainly different schools of thought on this issue. Some think it's a bad idea because the child is left behind twice a day rather than once and the separation can be difficult. If he or she cries each time that also makes for a potentially serious disruption to other children in a daycare group. Moreover, the other children may become jealous that their parents are not coming for lunch, too. On the other hand, some kids are fine with visits from parents during the day and most kids ultimately adjust to any routine. For us, beyond the logistical benefit of Harry's mother nursing (a benefit to both of them), we simply want to spend as much time with Harry as possible. Indeed, one of the reasons we chose this particular daycare was its proximity to our work.

However, the daycare provider was of that first school of thought and did not like the idea of us stopping by for lunch. Further, I suspect her perspective on that subject conveniently supported her own interest in maintaining order and control over her own time. She had expressed her doubt as to the long term viability of our lunch dates with Harry, but even with the cool response, our understanding was that we would try it this week with an eye toward how the routine affected Harry and the other children involved.

Yet, when we arrived to see Harry a little after 12:30, as if to reinforce her disapproval, the door was unceremoniously locked for the first time in our experience. We were let in, but before we took Harry with us for lunch we were given what amounted to an ultimatum of either not visiting during the day or making other daycare arrangements. Since the die had been cast for this afternoon already, we left for the park and ate an otherwise pleasant lunch, but for the cloud of uncertainty now hovering over our aspirations for Harry's daytime activities. For Harry, the return to the daycare couldn't have been easier. He was happy and didn't cry, though admittedly had the distraction of another parent dropping a child off for just the afternoon. The trouble was with the adults.

Now, I could go on and on about the arguments on both sides as to whether visits do or don't benefit the children, and we did certainly go through many with our provider. However, the bottom line had little to do with logic on either side. She did not personally want the interruption during her day and we, while unsure ourselves about whether the lunch dates would work out in the long run, still wanted the option to see our son. Tonight we began again going through our list of daycare providers.


Comments, opinions?