March 24, 2004 - Wednesday
This afternoon the boys and I paid another visit to the nearby construction site. It can't be more than a tenth of a mile up the road so it's quite walkable for the boys, but using the wagon is often a little more efficient. That's what we did today. Unfortunately, Jeremy had some hang-up today about Harry sitting in the wagon, too, even though that's the norm. (This may have been because Harry originally said he didn't want to ride in it and maybe Jeremy thought he was going to get it all to himself for a change, only to be disappointed when Harry reconsidered.) Jeremy complained a bit at first, but by helping get everyone's feet well aligned inside the wagon I thought we'd past the problem. And we had, but only temporarily.

When we got to the site and got half way down the new dirt road that will soon be paved, Harry decided to get out to look at the (still dry) water retention basin being created by the workers. Last time we where there it was just a watery whole. Now it's much bigger with carefully distributed stones for drainage. Interesting for a little boy to be sure. The trouble was that when Harry tried to get back in the wagon so we could move on to the parked-after-hours bulldozer, front loader, and excavators, Jeremy again gripped about sharing the wagon, but now at a new level of dissent. After some negotiation I eventually told him that he could either sit nicely and share the wagon with Harry or get out and walk. When he continued to complain, I lifted him out of the wagon, set him down beside the wagon, and started to pull Harry toward the bulldozer perhaps some 50-60 feet away. Jeremy did not move.

We've been here before, Jeremy and I, playing a little game of chicken and I could see what was happening. I hoped that the appeal of large capital equipment up close, and my own overt disinterest in his antics, might be enough to have Jeremy get on with life. But, no. We were in an open area and I could keep an eye on Jeremy while still moving forward with Harry so I didn't really worry to much about leaving him standing there. I did encourage Jeremy to come see the bulldozer, but he still did not move. After examining the bulldozer, Harry threw a few stones into a stream, another big draw activity for young boys. Jeremy did not move. Then, slowly, Harry and I walked up to the newly formed cul-de-sac loop where the excavators and front loader were parked, easily a hundred feet, perhaps 200, from Jeremy. He still did not move, standing there in that open field by himself and occasionally calling out "daddy" or recreating the original forced crying.

There are a couple of houses within a close proximity to this new road and fortunately I know the neighbors, one of whom has a school-aged son, so I wasn't at all worried about misunderstandings of the situation. I didn't want to linger that far away from Jeremy for too long, however, and kept Harry moving around the circle and back toward where Jeremy was standing. It's interesting that while Harry seemed to enjoy himself with me, even feel a little of that sibling satisfaction at being the good brother, he never complained about not being able to stay longer and even commented casually about Jeremy's poor mode. Harry and I stopped at the bulldozer one more time on our way back, but it wasn't until we started from there back toward Jeremy, with nothing more between us, that Jeremy took a few steps in our direction, albeit with renewed cries of "daddy, daddy."

Perhaps those steps were an acknowledgment that he was giving in a little and that I should have let it end there. But, I had decided that he was out of the wagon for good today and did not let him back in it. I told him we would all walk and asked Harry to pull the wagon back himself while I held Jeremy's wrist. It was a long, slow walk home, all the way with Jeremy pushing at my hand with his other hand, but verbally complaining only occasionally. When we got back to the driveway I had a little talk with Jeremy about sharing and being nice and he seemed to accept it.

Now, you'd think after a drawn out lesson like that Jeremy would have been on his best behavior. I'm pretty sure Harry would have been. But, when mommy arrived home from work a few minutes later and it was time to go inside for dinner, Jeremy again planted himself in the driveway and refused to go inside. I asked in multiple times with increasing directness for him to please come inside. He did not move. Then, when he finally said, "no," in his now familiar defiant manner, it was clear that, amazingly, the game was on again.

Jeremy spent a lot of time this evening sitting in the hallway and up in his room. It's not the first time by any means, but it was an extreme episode. This otherwise delightfully happy, sunny boy has a stubborn streak that runs deep. Mary, his baby-sitter, and I joke about it from time to time, but it's something that I worry about in the back of my mind. He's just two now and a lot of this will probably pass. But, he's his father's son and if we're not careful I can see us bumping heads for many years to come and it won't always be so easy to set him down in the hallway chair or carry him to his room.


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