August 1, 2001 - Wednesday
Harry is learning about hugging. That means two things: first, he's getting to know that it's a nice thing to do, beyond just for emergency comfort, and second, that hugging is something that his parents seem to like. In turn, he's starting to realize that hugging can be used to avoid something he might otherwise find less appealing.

Interestingly, for the last week or so that has included being dropped off at daycare. There were a couple of mornings last week when Harry put up a mild protest when I dropped him off, but quickly got over it when he found the toys. However, his mother told me that he put on a real show yesterday when she dropped him off and that happened again this morning now that I'm back from my trip. It's very flattering, I suppose, for Harry to hug his dad and not want to leave, and maybe he knows that and is working it. But, he hasn't done that since last fall at the old daycare and this morning didn't seem much like that type of show and it's a little surprising. Harry's always enjoy going to this daycare since he started last March and usually can't wait to escape dad's arms and get off to the many toys and other types of entertainment it has to offer. His daycare provider says she thinks that 18 months is a common time for a new burst of separation anxiety. Maybe that's all it is.

However, I can't help wondering whether Harry's new nervousness has anything to do with the incident at the library last week. The timing seems about right for when he started to be less enthusiastic about going to daycare. Add to that the fact that the younger boy at Harry's daycare, a 13-month old, is going through something of a hitting phase, according to the provider, and that Harry has never been struck by us or anyone else in his life and maybe there's the basis for some new self-protection anxiety. Last night I heard Harry talking about hitting and this boy and started to wonder about the affect that might have on a young mind. What's more, in the same time frame, Harry has himself been testing hitting on his parents, which receives anything from a swift rebuke if he is clearly aggressive to laughter if it seems he's just having fun. Hopefully, those mixed messages aren't as confusing as they look in writing.

Frankly, I'm fairly sure that Harry has never been hurt by this smaller boy at daycare and he wasn't hurt physically at the library. But, it's easy to imagine that the hitting at daycare combined with the very startling occurance at the library, may have introduced some kind of awareness. I can say that in both library incidents, I tried to be careful not to show Harry an overbearing parent, overtly defending him, but from the beginning of his life that has been our role as mother and father , and it's only natural he would turn to us for protection in self-doubt.

Without finding the words last Tuesday, this very result was why I wondered about dwelling on the library incident with Harry after we got outside the building. I made a bit of a big deal out of it by talking about it with him and maybe that has caused Harry to focus on it unnecessarily. I guess I'll never know whether that's the case. And, I guess I do know that these are issues that Harry needs to go through eventually. Indeed, these interpersonal lessons are one of the reasons we believe that daycare can be a positive experience, that is as long as it is mostly without such conflict, and as long as we're there to help him through them.


Comments, opinions?