January 16, 2005 - Sunday
Last night at bedtime, after the trying events of the afternoon, I felt compelled to talk to Harry again about Rip's behavior, including his behavior toward Harry at the party and over the last week with the baby sheet. I said a number of things, I'm sure, and including something I'd said earlier in the week, that 'no one can make you feel bad unless you let them.' It's a simplified version of Eleanor Roosevelt's adage that "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." I started to explain the idea as I had earlier in the week and Harry cut me off:
"I know," in a voice I hadn't expected to hear for a few more years, "because then they would be fooling you."

I was taken aback. I had to fight back the twinge of emotion. Amazingly, every now and then this parenting stuff works. I'd basically said the same thing to him back on Tuesday or Wednesday, but I didn't use those words. That meant that Harry had not only heard me, but he had not been listening and he had processed it enough to say it back in his own words. All I could say was, "That's very smart. That's very smart. That's very smart, Harry!" with increasing emphasis and joy. He tried to stay cool. He always tries to stay cool, but he smiled, too. And then I added, "that's very smart and it's something that I didn't really understand when I was a boy. I sometimes let other kids fool me like that and it made me very sad sometimes." And then something that I love to add for Harry, "so you're a lot smarter than I was." I can tell he likes that too.


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