December 13, 2006 - Wednesday
Yesterday morning I took a kind of a tenuous approach with Harry and his own personal responsibility for getting ready for the bus. About a week ago, after having basically been telling him every morning to use the bathroom and feed Spooky, I said told him straight that that every rmorning there were two things he should do by himself without my asking: use the bathroom and feed Spooky. And for a couple of days he did those things. Of course, there's a lot more he needs to do to get ready - write down his reading pages for the time before, put his homework folder in his backpack, put his shoes on and his coat, and get a toy for the bus if that's something he wants - but I was starting from scratch with the absolutes trying again to work on personal responsibility and focus. It's tough because he'd rather be playing, of course, or joking around, but it makes it so I end up rushing him to get ready at the last minute.

So today, when he did neither of the two things before I told him this morning, then also ate his breakfast slowly enough to make things hectic again, I started deciding things for him and told him that's what was happening. That included my picking what he was going to wear. I suppose I could have been mean that picked something I know he doesn't like, a collared shirt maybe, but I didn't because I think just the idea of me deciding his clothes gets into his first grade sense of personal space and identity. I also did not let him get a toy because he had not yet prepared his backpack and by the time that was done the bus was coming down the street. It was yet another tenuous morning, but I was bossing him around a little more than usual.

In the afternoon I asked, "were you mad this morning?"
"Yes."
"Why"
"Because you didn't let me get a toy," he said. I think that was just the culmination of things and what he remembered first.
"Harry, the bus was coming. If you want a toy you have to be the one to get it before it's time to go out to the bus. But it's good that you're mad. The question is what you can do about it, because you can be in complete control of what happens in the morning. Complete control. There are some things that have to happen: you need to get out of bed, you need to use the bathroom, feed Spooky, eat breakfast, brush your teeth, get your backpack ready, and get your coat on. And if you do those things yourself, then you'll have time to do whatever you want. It would be completely up to you. If you don't do those things, I'll have to boss you around and it won't leave time for anything. Do you see what I mean?"
"Yeah," but it's a resigned 'yeah' and it's hard to know whether he's getting the message.
"Harry, you can be in control of everything if you're responsible. And that's true with so much of everything in your life. You can either wait for people to decide things for you or you can be responsibile and decide things for yourself. Look, if you want a toy, that's completely up to you. I have no interest in getting you a toy. My job is to make sure you eat and get out to the bus on time. You have from the time you get out of bed to the time the bus comes down the street to get a toy and this morning, as usual, you left it to the last minute and there wasn't time. If it were me, I'd find a toy as soon as I got up and bring it down right away."

There's just no way to know how much of that gets through, but this morning Harry walked down the stairs first thing with a toy in his hand and put it in his backpack, then marched to the bathroom, picked his cereal, and fed Spooky. Indeed, it was a wonderful morning and I told him he did a good job this morning as we waited outside for the bus to stop. I have no great illusion that this will change the tone for mornings from here on, but it's a nice start.


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