June 2, 2006 - Friday
Jeremy wore Harry's old Giants TBall uniform to school today. He said he wanted to do it when he was getting dressed and he said it liked he meant it. So I let him and he was very cute. As I was helping with it, and showing him the baseball secret with the socks and the inside-out pants, it occurred to me that Harry would never, ever have worn anything like that to school, at least not in preschool or pre-k. Heck, he was even shy about wearing a hat that might have been out of the norm. Jeremy, however, is his own somehow-solidly grounded boy and it's just what he wanted to do. They are really very different boys.

When Harry got off the bus and we headed over toward school to pick up Jeremy (on our way to the airport to pick up mommy who's been gone for three days), I asked Harry if he knew what Jeremy wore to school today. Jeremy had gotten dressed after Harry got on the bus, but he said he wanted to wear the uniform while Harry was there in the bathroom getting dressed himself. Harry said "no," and I told him about the old Giants uniform. Then a disturbing thing occurred to me: while I am absolutely sure Harry would never have done such a thing at Jeremy's age, he actually did ask to wear his new Raptors uniform about a month ago and we said he shouldn't.

OK, it was a different situation. His Raptors uniform was new and needed for games this year. We did let him wear his Raptors shirt and hat, but not the socks and pants.

"Harry, would you ever have worn your Giants uniform to school like Jeremy did?" I asked, hoping to re-assure myself about this awkward inconsistency.
"No," he said. But then after a moment of reflection he added, "actually, I did want to wear my Raptors uniform and you said 'no.'"
Ouch (although his initial reaction was clearly same as mine, wasn't it?) "Yes, I remember that, Harry, but do you know why that was different?"
"No."
"It's because your Raptor uniform is new and you need it for your baseball games this year and you wouldn't want it to get ruined by accident at school. You don't need your Giants uniform anymore. Do you see the difference? I suppose you could wear your Raptors shirt and your old pant, maybe that would work."

He didn't really say anything else. And, on the one hand, I think all that is all right, and right. They really are different little boys and the reasons each would do something like that are completely different. Jeremy was just wearing the uniform because he got such a kick out of wearing it to the parade and wanted to wear it to school. Harry would probably have been copying some other kid who'd already done it at kindergarten, although maybe that's unfair. Jeremy would be cool about it all day. Harry, I suspect, would have mixed emotions about it all day depending on who he was talking to, (although, surprisingly, he did wear his sunglasses and a couple of different hats to kindergarten).

So am I treating these boys differently because they are different? Is there a double standard; something I've been worried about since Jeremy was born? Are the justifications for each circumstances made up in our heads to fit the boy and the situation more than it is just letting them find their own way? And, most importantly, does it really matter if the result is a perception in Harry's or Jeremy's head that such a double standard exists?

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