December 8, 2005 - Thursday
Harry's drum teacher, Abe, had his first child a couple of weeks ago and we've been talking about fatherhood a little bit the last couple of weeks. Today I found myself discussing first and second children and the almost universally recognizable traits shared by first born kids as compared to those children who come later. And as much as I wanted to try to avoid that with my children, they have turned out to be near perfect examples of the stereotypes, at least in some ways. Harry is more intense and anxious about things. Jeremy is more laid back. Harry is far more needy of attention and parental recognition than Jeremy. Jeremy seems much more comfortable with his own skin, as it were.

I've started to think that if I had to do it over, I would have left Harry alone more as an infant and toddler to entertain himself; not a lot more, but more. Jeremy, the second child, got effectively left to his own devices and self-entertainment more just because of necessity and logistics; the logistics of Harry the older brother running around faster and looking for attention louder. We were not at Jeremy's beck and call with each whimper as we were as first time parents and I think the difference is that Jeremy quickly got comfortable with that and learned to settle himself down. And he learned that it wasn't the way to get free attention. I think that as a first child, Harry didn't really get the chance to learn that.

I believe another part of the stereotype comes from the fact that a first child has role models who are adults and, therefore, much more skilled at everything from walking and talking to eating and drinking. There's no way a baby or toddler can match up with that. The second child, however, has an older sibling as a role model who is only slightly more adept at things. I'd think that would offer some comfort to a young mind.


Comments, Opinions?